Living in Overdraft. You’re Not Tired — You’re in Survival Mode.

Many caregiving parents live permanently in “emergency mode” without realising it. This dive into hypervigilance explores why you can’t switch off — and how to gently turn the volume down without blaming or fixing yourself.

In Part 1 we talked about what hypervigilance is, now let’s talk about what it does to us long-term and why it’s important to address it.

Maybe you recognise the feeling of that constant, wired-but-exhausted state where your nervous system behaves like there’s always danger nearby, even when nothing’s happening. As a practical reminder it’s when the feeling of stress;

·       Runs 24/7, without pause

·       Ignores logic or reason

·       Can’t be switched off at will

·       Becomes so “normal” you barely notice it anymore

·       Wears you down until even sleep doesn’t bring rest

If you’re a hard core parent, the chances are you don’t just recognise this, you’re living it.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

Most of us have been hypervigilant for so long, we don’t even realise it anymore. It becomes our normal. Our standard operating system.

But just because we’ve got used to it, doesn’t mean it’s harmless.

Living in Overdraft

Let me guess, you tell yourself, “But I’m fine. I can keep going. And anyway, I have to.”

You internally tell yourself;

“I’ve survived worse.”

“I don’t have time to break down.”

“Other people have it harder.”

“If I stop, everything will fall apart.”

Here’s the thing though: your body isn’t listening to your logic. It listens to biology. And biology says: You cannot run at full power forever without burning out.

Hypervigilance might feel like strength, but it’s actually overdraft living. You’re borrowing from tomorrow’s energy, tomorrow’s health, tomorrow’s patience… just to get through today. And the interest rate? Chronic illness, relationship breakdown or maybe losing your temper over nothing. The body always collects.

And one day, without warning, the body calls in the debt. That’s when you crash — physically, emotionally, or both. That's when you find yourself crying in the supermarket, being too tired to talk, or snapping at the people you love most.

So What Do We Do With Hypervigilance?

I’m not going to tell you to ‘just relax,’ ‘try yoga,’ or ‘drink more water.’ You’ve heard that before — and if it worked, you’d have done, or be doing it already by now.

Instead, let’s look at this differently.

Hypervigilance is your body saying, “I don’t feel safe.” So the first step isn’t “calm down!”

It’s giving your nervous system evidence that it doesn’t have to do this alone. That doesn’t always mean therapy or medication (those can help later if needed).

Sometimes it starts with tiny, almost imperceptible shifts:

• Borrow someone else’s nervous system. Sit next to someone calm — even silently. Let your body remember what ease feels like.

• Change the temperature of your body. Hot drink. Cold splash of water. Weighted blanket. Physical signals can interrupt mental spirals.

• Let something slide — deliberately. Don’t reply to that email. Leave the washing. Test what happens when you don’t catch every falling plate, it’s probably less than you fear.

• Say out loud — “I’m struggling.” Not to apologise but to be witnessed, even if not by anyone other than you.

• Reach out to someone who gets you. Whether it’s a friend, family member or someone also in this situation. We all need support and it’s okay to ask for it.

These are not solutions. They’re footholds. Enough to create a crack in the armour — so breathing space can get in.

Long-Term Healing Isn’t About “Fixing” Yourself

Some of us will need professional support. Some of us just need someone to ask, “how are you, really?” without trying to fix it.

Hypervigilance is not a personal failure. It’s not weak. It’s not dramatic. It’s a survival mechanism that has overstayed its welcome.

You don’t need to get rid of it — you just need to learn how to turn it down.

Because your well-being matters. Because you are not a machine. Because living in permanent crisis mode is not the same as living. And you, and your family, deserve the best version of you.

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I’m gathering insights from other parents living like this — because this needs to be spoken about properly.

• Have you been affected by hypervigilance?

• Would you be willing to share your experience — through a survey or a chat?

• Or maybe you’d like support in working out where you sit in all this?

Send me a message with your contact details and tell me which of those feels right for you.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Not anymore.

I am an experienced therapist and coach, as well as a Hard Core Parent, so I get where you’re at because I’ve been there!