The Instinct We’re Told to Ignore.

Just as a ewe does with her lambs, trusting your own instincts and being the safe place for your children is sometimes the best parenting there is.

Last week I found I was writing a lot about lambs on my farm in the facebook group. Watching them I noticed something I didn’t mean to write about, but couldn’t ignore.

Whenever people walk close to a ewe when she has lambs they may well have noticed that she often calls them, or indeed they often call for her. The reason they do that is for safety and security. The mother is making sure her babies are safe in case of imminent threat, whilst the babies are making sure they know where their mothers are in case they need them for protection.

Mothers call to protect.

Lambs call to stay safe.

Why we are like sheep

The same is true for us as parents. We know from our own experience that children reach out to us when they need us. Starting from the moment they are born they need warmth, security and food fairly quickly to survive and we are biologically wired to give it.

As life continues babies’ needs may change, but the principle remains the same. They need us and we do our best to meet those needs.

The issue comes as they grow up and both we, and they, are expected to do more.

A physically or mentally challenged child may have significantly different expectations or outcomes but many of the principles are the same. Children are often required to go to a childcare or educational setting, they are expected to make friends, become more independent and/or become more responsible for their own health and welfare.

As parents we are still expected to, and frequently want to, provide for our child’s physical and emotional safety.  We are required to lead but not tell, guide but not overwhelm, support but not interfere and encourage independence but not let them go too far.

But here’s the rub…as our children grow the world expects more of them. And yet sometimes, especially for our children, those expectations don’t always fit.

Doctors, teachers, other parents, family, friends and anyone else who decides they can and do have an opinion often share it with us!

We don't have to always be sheep

But this is a reminder. You know when you and your child are up against the rules of someone else’s game. You feel it. You experience the sense of a rising emotion, the presence in your body, the tightening of your child’s energy, even when everyone else says it’s not the case.

You know your child best.

You are their strongest, biggest and most powerful ally.

You might struggle with that responsibility at times, but you are still the best qualified in knowing your child.

You need to continue to advocate for them. If you don’t, who will?

Sheep parenting advice

And just like the ewe with her lambs, she knows that when she calls her lambs to ensure their safety she is doing it with the best intent. She can’t save them from everything they will experience in their lives, but she can protect them while they’re in her care.

And for the lambs? Just knowing their mother is there and will feed and protect them is sufficient to allow them to grow and explore the world, not even wondering about what happens beyond today.

So keep ‘mothering’; keep noticing, keep stepping in even when it feels uncomfortable and others are challenging you to do it their way. Because just like those lambs, they don’t always need protection, but they do need to know we’re there and that when they call they know we’ll answer.

And a side note. If you’re struggling to keep doing this day in and day out, it’s okay to step back sometimes. Even a ewe will happily give her lambs a gentle nudge, or walk away from them, if she needs a break every once in a while.

If you’re finding this balance hard, you are not alone and you don’t have to figure this out alone. You are always welcome in the Facebook group, you can reach out to me directly and you can download the free ten top tips for how to manage you AND them from the website.