A New Year but not a New Life - Why Resolutions Don't Matter, But Reflections Do.

New Year's Resolutions seem pointless when situations are relatively unchanging and carrying extra worries, stresses and strains are part of the norm. So although I don't subscribe to the idea of a temporary inspiration, I have found a technique that gently supports, encourages and drives me on. I hope it helps you too.

A message for the parents here who are carrying a lot 🤍

New Year can feel especially hard when you’re caring for a child whose needs don’t pause for fresh starts or good intentions.

When your days are shaped by appointments, vigilance, interrupted sleep, and the constant mental load of being on alert, all the talk of goals and resolutions can land like another quiet failure.

So I want to offer you something different.

Each year, instead of making resolutions, I look back gently. Not at what I should have done, but at what I actually carried.

I think about:

• the times I showed up when I was already empty

• the moments I stayed regulated for my children even when I was unravelling inside

• the adaptations I made that nobody clapped for

• the ways my life became smaller in some places and deeper in others

This kind of living changes you. It helps reshape time, ambition, energy and identity.

That matters. And reflection on that is important as it guides you to know how to better handle yourself and your situation for the future.

And this is when the weird part comes in. You know that thing we always say, "if I knew then what I know now I would have done it differently"? Well this is it in real life moments. I go into the future and use the benefit of my own hindsight to create foresight.

I think about this year; the five high points that I am proud of or I have achieved. The five high points that I have really enjoyed, savoured or benefitted from. And finally the five people I have spent the most time with or who have been the most influential to me.

Then.

I fast forward to New Years Day 2027 and look back on the year that has just happened (yes, you read that right, it hasn't happened, but we imagine it has). And I ask myself the same questions. What are the five high points that I am proud of or I have achieved? What are the five high points that I have really enjoyed, savoured or benefitted from? And finally who are the five people I have spent the most time with or who have been the most influential to me?

This sets the tone for the year, and you'll be amazed how much comes true when you do it from this perspective!

And in doing it this way I don’t imagine a life where everything is “fixed”.

I imagine a life where I trust myself more.

Where I stop arguing with reality quite so much.

Where I listen to my body before it collapses.

Where I don’t disappear just because my child needs so much of me.

I imagine rest that doesn’t require crisis.

Support that doesn’t require explanation.

And a version of me who answers one quiet question more kindly than before:

How can I be true to myself in this moment, right now — inside this life I didn’t choose but am living with love?

If you’re feeling stuck, downhearted, or like your life no longer resembles the one you imagined — please hear this:

You are not behind.

You are not doing this wrong.

And you do not need a new version of yourself to survive this year.

This season doesn’t need you to be braver, better, or more grateful.

It needs you to be held — by yourself, by this community, and by whatever small steadiness you can find today.

You are not alone here. 🤍

Happy New Year!