When Disappointment Becomes the Background Noise of Your Life

Disappointment isn’t always about what happened — it’s about what you hoped for, and quietly didn’t get. Being unheard shapes us over time. These feelings matter and acknowledging them isn’t weakness, it’s awareness about what to do next.

You know that feeling? That sense of life on repeat. The same conversations, the same actions, the same outcomes — and no real shift in anything that feels important or meaningful.

When life starts to feel like Groundhog Day

My daughter was in her early high school years when I approached the school to talk about her attendance, her health, and her academic progress. Don’t get me wrong, she was motivated, eager to do well, keen to please, and determined to be ‘normal’. Except she had significant challenges and needed daily medical interventions. She was unwell a lot of the time, missing school, friendships, sport, and sometimes homework too.

She was far from ‘school avoidant’, but definitely ‘school struggling’. I’d already been living this reality for years. Many of you will recognise that feeling.

I chose this school because they promised their pastoral care was second to none. I believed them. I did my best to communicate her limited capacity to cope with day-to-day life. I seemed to spend my life communicating with someone.

Trying to be heard — and realising you aren’t

So there I was, sitting in a meeting with her form teacher and head of year, listening as they suggested that “maybe she could be more positive”. What did I do? I smiled, thanked them, and left. Clearly, we weren’t going to make much progress that day.

I walked out filled with fury, frustration, sadness and, ultimately, disappointment. Disappointment in people who said they cared but couldn’t or wouldn’t change. People who wanted to help but didn’t know how to adapt. People who said they understood, but actually couldn’t or wouldn’t really do that.

What did I expect? Even with hindsight, I don’t fully know. I think I wanted someone to hear me. Someone to stand alongside us. Someone to acknowledge how hard this was. Someone who could help us navigate yet another set of challenges — ones that felt new, even though they were really just another version of what we’d always lived with.

Do you get this?

Do you recognise it?

Do you feel it too?

Learning to live with disappointment

I’m sharing this because I’ve since realised these feelings are normal, even though I didn’t know that at the time. As parents and caregivers of children with complex needs, of any kind, we often hope others will understand and adapt. We may advocate, explain, push, or fight for that understanding. But unless someone has lived it, they usually can’t fully grasp why this is so hard.

That doesn’t make the system right. It just explains why the disappointment runs so deep.

Over time, we get used to it. We get used to the battles, the managing, the ‘sucking it up’ and carrying on. But just because we’re used to something doesn’t mean we should accept it as normal.

Why this feeling matters

As both a mother and a professional working in this space, I want you to know this: your emotions matter. They are messengers, not facts or absolute truths, but they’re there to tell you that something is out of balance and needs attention.

What does that mean in practice? It means it’s okay to vent. It’s okay to release. It’s okay to reflect, to ask more questions, to challenge respectfully, and to advocate again — or differently. If we don’t, we do both our children and ourselves a disservice when it comes to honesty, advocacy, and healthy human interaction.

None of this has to happen in the moment, or in the same way for everyone. We are all unique. But that underlying sense of disappointment does need to be acknowledged and processed somehow.

At the time of this meeting, I was already overwhelmed. I was hoping others would have answers, hadn’t fully prepared what I needed to say, and was living on a wing and a prayer.

Years later, with the memory of that meeting still vivid, I can see what might have helped. I could have explained how and why my daughter was already being positive. I could have named why ‘being more positive’ wasn’t the solution. I could have asked what practical adaptations were possible, shared some ideas, and listened openly in return. I would have left feeling far more grounded than I did that day.

Disappointment is part of this journey many of us share. It’s okay to name it.

And if you need support in dealing with it, in whatever way feels right for you, please do reach out either by email or through the Facebook group. You are not alone.

Next time, I’ll explore what often sits beneath this feeling: grief.